The Paradox of Acceptance: How embracing what IS initiates the alchemy of change
Why is acceptance so difficult?
In an extremely polarizing world, it is a natural human inclination to resist that which we do not agree with, that which we hope to change. In the context of the collective, groups resist each other through policy and protest, through verbal and written diatribes that are birthed from the perpetual discomfort in our minds and bodies due to that which we perceive as wrong.
And this response makes sense. So many groups have been exiled to the servitude of white supremacy, patriarchy and late stage capitalism, and are MORE than justified in being angry AF. Resistance is intelligent, it is fuelled by the ferocity of justice, and it can most certainly incite change so desperately needed.
* This is not meant to be a commentary on the various ways in which humans so brilliantly resist. Resistance can be an art, and is a powerful reflection of the ways in which humans can move mountains for each other. Justice organizing is made up of multitudinal and nuanced theory that is essential to social transformation — and there are so many folks who hold expertise in this area. This commentary offers some consideration in the somatic experience of resistance and focuses on the wisdom held within the concept of somatic blending.
A challenge is that there might (will?) always be something to resist. And a body in a perpetual state of resistance is a body perpetually activated, and thus chronically inflamed. And chronic inflammation leads to illness. Thus, in response to the endless injustices of our world, we are making ourselves ill when our response to them is ‘pushing back’. AND yet, when there are so many suffering, how can we not fight daily for collective transformation in the direction of compassion, love, and a more equal distribution of resources?
Let’s reel it in for a moment to discuss resistance in the context of the individual. There are also so many things we resist within ourselves. Our imperfections, our pain, each crevice of uncertainty that tears at our nervous system. We resist through the dangling carrot of self improvement, and we resist through our vices (i.e., gossip, substances, spending). Personal resistance looks like all of the ways we strive to run away from the discomfort within ourselves. It is a mechanism of hyper-and hypo arousal of our nervous systems, because we are afraid that looking directly at something that causes us pain is a threat to our survival.
* Even activism can be a way that we resist feeling the discomfort of injustice. And while social justice is important and essential, activism as running away from personal and societal discomfort will never have the same result as activism moving towards that which you believe possible.
Through somatic science, however, we have learned that it is through a practice of slow and supported turning towards that offers relief. That somatically embracing what IS (through increasing our awareness of our sensational response within our bodies to the thing causing pain or discomfort), actually regulates our nervous system over time. It expands our window of tolerance to stay in divergent and solution-oriented thinking, even in crisis. This ‘turning towards’ is facilitated in a practice called blending. A concept and practice that has discovered that inherent within a supported sensory acceptance of what IS, is the physiological space that actually facilitates change.
Said another way, an embodied experience of acceptance leads to the bio-psycho-social elements needed for the change to occur.
Thus the paradox of acceptance: by embracing what IS, I heal, I transform, I move towards that which I long for.
And now we can traverse back to our exploration of collective blending. I explore this with ration in my own experience. Accepting the horrors and tragedies that occur on a daily basis in this world can feel a lot like bypassing. Like ignoring what is happening so as to keep one’s inner peace. This is not the practice of blending. Acceptance in the context of blending actually looks like turning towards the pain, the act, the injustice, and deepening your awareness while holding the totality of your physical and physiological responses. In this way, the body learns to hold and process that which causes pain and activation, and thus learns to hold with a fuller capacity compassion, solution, change.
This might sound like pie in the sky thinking, but until we reach the root of any reality, anything we do is a band-aid solution. Our world is spinning its tires, causing its own fires and then spending all of its resources trying to put them out. Perhaps it is radical to suggest another way. Thomas Hübl is calling this way Global Social Witnessing, and practiced on ourselves, somatics calls it blending. Either way, I implore us all to consider that by learning to turn towards what IS, is what leads us to its emancipation.
“Global Social Witnessing begins with each individual. It is the ability to relate to processes, incidents, and situations that happen in our culture. But in order to relate to myself, I need to have the ability to adequately map my outside into my inside … When I can create a physical, emotional, and mental representation of (outer) events within myself I can really relate to them. This relationship, in turn, allows me to come to an appropriate (not reactive), creative action.”
Journal prompts to explore the paradox of acceptance:
What does relief feel like in your body?
What arises for you when considering moving towards something undesired, rather than resisting it?
When offered the reflection that resisting a ‘thing’ only perpetuates it, what comes up for you? In your thoughts, in the sensation of your body?
How does the paradox of acceptance land within you? Where does your body say yess to this concept, and where does it shout hell noooo?
Mallorie Buoy
Mallorie is the founder and lead educator at Homebody School of Somatics. She currently practices as a Registered Master Somatic Movement Educator and Therapist, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Clinical Somatic Therapist, as well as a psychedelic-assisted therapist. With over 15 years of studying mysticism, movement, and exploring the rich truth of cosmic law, alongside the science of it all, she now teaches others to become somatic educators and therapists without the stress or overwhelm of a traditional university setting.
Explore our 500-hour ISMETA Approved Somatic Educator and Therapist Training at homebodyhealing.org.